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Still Alive

I am still here and will post again (properly) in due cause.

How have you been? xx

From The Basement

So it turns out that Sky (and, in particular, Sky+) is ruddy great if you look hard enough. One gem I've found is From The Basement on Sky Arts, a kind of Jools Holland without the awful presenting/interviewing style. There's no presenter, theme music, adverts or any other bollocks. Essentially three bands or solo artists come on, play their songs to an audience of precisely zero, and piss off. The bands themselves are generally excellent - normally one 'headliner' (Thom Yorke, PJ Harvey, White Stripes), one fairly well-known act (The Shins, Super Furry Animals, Mark 'E from Eels' Everett) and one up-and-coming or less mainstream act. It's bloody good stuff - but sadly ending this Thursday night. A curious programme really; no adverts to generate revenue, and it lists Nigel Godrich as executive producer so it can't be too cheap to produce. Ho hum.

Also: thanks to whoever Googled 'swollen bollocks', clicked through to result number 770 and visited this blog. Welcome, you big-balled wonder. You won't find much of interest here.

Idiot Eats Humble Pie

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7174760.stm

I hate Jeremy Clarkson, so this made me feel ever so warm inside.

What Not To Say To Your Boss

Boss: "Guess what I just saw?"

Me "A rape?"

[Silence]

Everyone Loves A Clown

A real life conversation I recently had with a small child:

Child: "What do you call a deer with no eyes?"
Me: "No eye-deer."
Child: "No. Stevie Won-deer."
Me: "Oh."

And later:

Child: "What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?"
Me: "Do-you-think-he-saurus."
Child: "No. Diplo-can't-focus."
Me: "Oh."

And later:

Child: "What do you call a..."
Me: "Fuck off."

The Wrong Formula

I hate Britain's latest ra-ra boy Lewis Hamilton. He's such a smug idiot, and is surely destined to replace Tim Henman as the nation's favourite perpetual sporting nearly-man.

"I am just a normal person and it's quite an unreal experience. I have come from nowhere and been leapfrogged into being this superstar, and it's a really, really weird experience.

"It was just the other night I went to my book signing with my dad and we drove home, got out of the car and got ambushed almost by some people that followed us all the way home.

"You sort of worry for a second, what do they want, and that's becoming more and more usual.

"But I really want to live a normal life if I can, away from things and away from the race track."

Don't release a money-spinning autobiography then, you greedy shitbasket. Although at 22 years old, and coming from leafy Stevenage, I'm sure you've seen all life has to offer, good and bad.

No? Piss off then. And it's not a sport anyway, it's transport.